Brenda Allenthorp

I have knitted scarves for Queen Elizabeth and Senator John McCain. I’m often seen waving while on my cell phone in the background of many important Fox News stories. I have two lovely children, the others, not so much. I recently broke off negotiations with Madonna to conceive more children for her.

In 1995 I was wrong, when I thought I had made a mistake. When I clean my home dwarves w

histle and birds sing. House plants often bend toward me as I enter any room. The Illuminati have sworn my death. I often use too much salt.

I have practiced brain surgery, but not as a professional, I still need a sponsor. I have driven my car 794 miles with only Suave Hair conditioner as fuel. I started a Facebook Group to help Haitian's adopt white children. I donate all my hair to turrets victims every 19 days. The elderly trust me.

American Eagle Outfitters was created for me; they sell to the public with my permission. Dairy is not my friend. I am spontaneously predictable. My fingernails are naturally acrylic. I was once asked to leave Mexico. In Zimbabwe my eye lashes are valued possessions and in Japan they are ground and used as an aphrodisiac.

Baby seals are attracted to me. I crochet chainmail garments for renaissance fairs participants. I do believe that one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do, two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one. I was once surprised. My aura has a silver lining. Peasants weep for me spontaneously yet I'm am still humble.

Caz's Bio

Glenn Cazenave

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty- Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.